Sunday, October 01, 2006

Capitalism and 2 Cows....err, or is that Communism?

It has started - Economics class. Not home econs, but market economics - the buy, sell, trade, barter, exchange, where the whole world is represented on a couple of graphs on 2 axis and the intersections here and there apparently have some meaning and various implications. One of the subjects I dread most because one cannot smoke it in econs. Nevermind I have an economics degree, all that I have learnt in the past have now deteriorated to zero (possibly even negative) after years of mental rot. The fake Tod's this time round is one very tall made-in-germany. These fakies get better and better each round - this one also fast talking, very bright, very logical and very scientific. And of course, very technologically advanced....because he uses Apple.

The problem with econs is that it requires one to think like a scientist, using logic and processes to arrive at a conclusion. Wah, you can see almost all students in class blinking their eyes in compounded confusion. After all these years of being businessmen/women, none of us could really understand how the heck can the real world be explained by lines on 2 axis and a bunch of assumptions holding something or the other constant. Since the last 2 days, I've come to the conclusion that communism is probably best. Govt plans everything and everyone gets a fair share. Life is simple, right? Communism is like....you have 2 cows, everyone helps you take care of them, and we all share the milk. Actually, it's better if someone else has 2 cows, I go attend yoga classes, come home and get some milk. :)

Cow economy is so much more difficult in capitalism, I mean, so we have 2 cows, we milk them, on the way to the marketplace to sell the milk, some is spilt. And we are still taxed for 2 cows, the milk we produced (nevermind we split them), the prices we get on the milk we sell....and probably have to sell our remaining milk to demanding customers who want "buy 1 get 1 free" or they will go to the goatsmilk stall next door. C says, so we have 2 cows, we should just sell 1 and buy a bull, and we'll have many baby cows, lotsa milk and we can sideline into the beef and veal business. Maybe even open a steakhouse. Oh wow. The Marketing guy will probably say this is brilliant, the HR professor will likely say we need to implement a policy on 40-litres productivity per week per cow and provide benefits like monthly spa and ear-cleaning services. Economics guy will come around and try to scientifically prove that 40-litres is not the optimum output where the firm can maximise revenue, and the Accountant will suggest that we have 2 cows, we sell 3 to our publicly listed using letters of credit opened by Slick at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by a majority shareholder (who else but Slick?), who sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk back to the listed company and proceeds from the sale are deferred. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more.

Err, nevermind, I think I'll stick to being semi-vegetarian. And so we have 2 vegetables....

2 comments:

Steaks the best cow said...

OOOWWWW my head!! cows do this and that.. and in the end have 8 cows, 6 imaginery and one slick owning the world!!

Here is my PERFECT solution!... you have a cow... I KILL it and eat HUGE steaks like mortens style, sharing them with Biz, holly and slick and if you nice, we share with you too.. when all is finished, we burp and you clean up the mess and go get us another cow!! hee hee!! CON-Fusion-ism!!

Everyone has big, happy tummys and TOFU butts!!
Everyone except a couple of dead cows!..

Lysithea said...

Arrgh. My head! Say what again?

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