Unconditional Love

Like a precious store of coins we save in a chest for a rainy day, only to find when you need it most the store is really quite empty. Even the one that was the brightest spark has now dimmed; worn down by use, abuse, or taken for granted. Like the push-cart ice cream man that I would depend on daily, one day just stopped coming. No word, no sound except the missing ring of the ice cream bell. A lot of things have upped and left in the years gone by - my techie smarts (now I'm a certified techie idiot), frugality (see other paragraph about shoe-spend), ambition, humour, compassion. I'm now a grumpy, angry, naggy middle aged person. Before I hit my 40s I'll probably be like one of those bitter, sour, dour-faced, shrivelled dried up old biddies we often read about in those victorian romance novels. Yet amongst all the two brightest sparks still left would be Shameless and Clueless and their unconditional love and affection - for as long as I feed them of course. They live simply and don't ask for much. Perhaps as humans we should be taking lessons from them. Simple expectations = happiness.

Over a decade ago when I was forced to give up my first dog, I wept as I left her at SPCA, broken-hearted. She was soon picked up by a family who loved her deeply and provided better care for her than I could. I only visited once, but she thumped her tail vigorously as she greeted me despite the weeks of separation gone by. She never bore a grudge, yet I felt so ashamed I had not given her a better life in those 10 years. I had given her so little but only then I realised she had given me so much. I wept again as I left her new home, never to see her again. Ache & regret in my heart remains till now.

Loving means letting go. Apology and contrite after the fact is of little use. Like a precious vase shattered, glueing the pieces does not make it whole like before. Memories become the most precious thing.

1 layer, 2 layer, 3 layers....

Unmm, those rolls of fats on the tummy area sure is looking more "robust" these days. Think I've got a solid laughing buddha down there. Yep, those creases and folds sure are deep. It doesn't help when I just downed 2 slices of blackforest cake courtesy of veron's bday party. But when a cake is this good.......it'll be such a waste not to eat it.

Speaking of folds, I'm quite certain C's own has grown as well. Well, time to start buying his clothes from US stores online. I can't find pants in Sg in his size anymore. Ouch.

Bis is still looking chunky......

Guess this is what we call mid life crisis?

Marbled cow moo.

Indulgences

Let's see now, another pair of new shoes. More clothes. More clothes. Even more clothes. Some more clothes. Have I mentioned more clothes? I count 1, 2, 3,,,,,,,,,,oops, looks like I might have 10-12 pieces of new clothing this week. Whoa. Ever heard of speed shopping? It's when one zips into Raoul, points to red shirt, tries it on, pays for red shirt, walk out of store. All in 7 mins flat. C is late to meet me? No problem, zip into nearest boutique store, try on a few pieces, walk out $100 poorer. Wardrobe is certainly expanding. Bank account is certainly not. Let's hope I have enough to pay my bills when it comes. Yikes. I must be making up for all that lost time (2 years) during which I did not visit Tangs. All it takes is 2 weeks and about 1k to make up for it. Should I cut up my credit cards? *whimper*.

Went to a Chris Watts stretch session. Very costly at $170 for 90 mins of private work, but this guy is brilliant. I'm like a basket case of one hip higher than the other, some hip rotated front and the other rotated back, a pelvic tilt that is causing my back to arch, and yadda yadda yadda. But in 90mins , he was able to correct my inconsistencies significantly. In fact, my neck has never been so free (save other than the Ana Forest class), and wow, the range of movement in my neck is incredible after this. Of course, that means I have to practice more of those stretches at home to make it a lasting effect, and now I can feel poor posture creeping back in as my body moves back to what it is used to. Me, practice daily stretches? It's like asking Holly to stop and stand still. Yeah.

Hunger

We watched No Reservations today. It struck me how very much I am like CZJ's character in the movie, and C is like Aaron Eckhart's. How did I end up being like that? Boyo, I have issues. Maybe I need some therapy too. Retail therapy doesn't seem to be make me any better of besides make me poorer in the bank account. On the other hand, watching that movie, and also planning to watch Ratatouille made me realise how long I gotten down to do some real cooking. Last count I had 28 cookbooks, and I still do. C asked me if I remember when I last cooked for him, and honestly, I don't remember. The last time I made something from my cookbook was for my boss' bbq party earlier this year (or late last year) - way too long ago. I miss cooking, and haven't done any since seriously starting school, and I miss cooking for C (since he just about eats anything I cook, except for the dreaded nottobementioned WBS).

I stare wistfully at my cookbooks. Soon I hope. Soon I will be reunited with them again. I need to take time off from work before it turns me into a sour old biddy.

Parting thought of the day - does an erection add weight to a man? Somehow wierd thoughts worth blogging always come to mind just as C rounds the corner to my house. I look at him and whop in glee at a new bloggable idea. He looks at me as if I'm daft. But these thoughts are always worth a penny or more. I certainly think a woody add weights, hey come on, one min the fella is a limp beanbag, and next it's a solid woody. Bigger = more weight right? Ho ho ho.

Contemplation and Clutter

Today, I realised that sitting alone contemplating is dangerous matter. In my boredom I contemplated what to do, so I contemplated to go to Tangs (my 1st visit in nearly 2 years). Goodness is 1/2 of the women in SG shopping at Tangs? It's crazy, I ask the shopgirl if it's like this all the time, she said, "today is not so bad". HUH. Contemplation cost me nearly $400 today. I haven't bought cheap shoes in awhile. And by cheap I mean, less than $200. I spy a pair of shoes and gasp when I saw it cost $19.90. HUH HUH. Who actually sells shoes at $19.90 these days?? Do they actually make margins?? I grab. Soon after I spy another pair of very pretty shoes, hmm, price is cheap, I grab. Before long, I was happily piling belts, necklaces and other accessories on my arm. I spy yet another pair of beautiful sandals. Less than $200. Wow. Deliberated for 30mins before going in for the kill. I was on the verge of buying more before I was able to curb my impulse. But when was the last time $200 netted me 3 pairs of shoes?

Now where do I put those shoes......?

Room at home now looks like a warzone. Bags, bags, and bags everywhere. Clothes everywhere. Even the number of PCs are piling up (there's Kibble, Megan, and now Noodle). Ohmygod there's actually 3 iPods. Thank god number of dogs still equals 2. But oh wait, there's also Slick, Codie, Mogu. Yikes.

Fly fly away

Time flies. Exams come and go. I just finished my 10th. Yay, 2 more to go. Miraculously overnight I managed to transform myself into some Finance expert, enough to take an exam and likely score a B+ anyway. Not bad for someone who started the day-off day watching tv, studying for 15 mins, taking a shower, studying another 15 mins, wash hair, study 20 mins, take noon nap, study 20 mins again, watch DVD whilst waiting for C to take me out to a late lunch, spent time dating C and then finally got my fat arse down to do real study work at 5.30pm. And then it was GO all the way till 1am. I'm pretty proud of myself if I may say so.

What else flies? Yes the dollars in my bank account seem to be on a fast trip to la-la land where I never see them again. Credit cards are dangerous. Just flash and sign. Sign sign sign. Happily sign. Last weekend, 3 cardslip signatures cost me nearly one grand. So I'm the proud owner of a pair of Oakleys (the store asst was cute by the way), and several pretty accessories. Did that add up to 1K? Wow.

Happenings

Long time since my last blog, let's see, what has since transpired. Yep was in Sydney for several days for work. You think Singapore is crowded? Wait till you see Sydney. You think Singapore is expensive? Wait till you shop in Sydney. Friggin donut costs well over $2. Cab fare for a 45 min ride is $80. Ouch. Thank god I'm on company account, but else I don't see why people want to migrate to Aussie for a better quality of life?

Bis and Holly ought to be renamed Shameless and Clueless. The inspiration struck me as I observed them side by side one day. Very befitting names don't you think? No prizes for guessing which name for who.

I got a new toy, well, C gave it to me - or rather, he said I compelled him to give it to me. It's a mac powerbook which I named NOODLE. Noodle is supposed to be all-powerful, but frankly, my gizmo tech talent truly upped and left me after age 24. One day I woke up and my blain is fried, I'm stoopid in this dept, because frankly, I could not get Noodle to really work for my iTunes. Of course several things transpired in between which I figured Noodle aint' as smart and powerful as he was touted to me. C still thinks Noodle is smart because I'm stupid. Think he's a little upset he had to give Noodle to me, he kinda loved the fella (what was Noodle's name in his past life before coming to me...hmm...iCon?). Even commented several times how he lovingly wiped Noodle down and cleaned him up nicely before giving him to me. Even asked me to pet Noodle a few times. Whoa.

Nic and I went to see the danceshow Floorplay. Great show. Lousy seats. I should have known NEVER to trust Nic with choosing seats. Damn woman had to choose center row seats, which meant of course we had to sit right at the back of the theatre - a bad thing when we are talking hot dance bodies and shirtless 6-packed lithe young sexy men shaking their booties on stage. These are the kinda things we should be right at the front row, regardless of premium paid.