Wednesday, June 14, 2006

The Wiks of Farts

A Fart is....

(According to Wiktionary - a wiki-based open content dictionary)

Etymology
Old English feortan < Germanic *fertan, *fartōn < Proto-Indo-European *perd- (to fart), probably of imitative origin.

Pronunciation
fä(r)t, /fɑː(r)t/, /fA:(r)t/

Noun
fart (plural: farts)
An emission of digestive gases from the anus

And in Wikipedia the free encyclopedia...."Flatulence is the release of a mixture of gases known as flatus produced by symbiotic bacteria and yeasts living in the gastrointestinal tract of mammals. Flatus is released under pressure through the anus, often accompanied by odor and sound. Releasing flatus gases is colloquially known as farting. The average human releases 0.5 to 1.5 litres (1 to 3 U.S. pints) (measured at NTP) of flatus a day by flatulating 12 to 25 times."

Err, 1.5 litres? that's as much water I drink in a day. Wah. So what....do we take 3 empty bottles of Ice mountain 500ml to measure our bodily gases? LOL.

"Nitrogen is the primary gas released. Methane and hydrogen, lesser components, are flammable, and so flatulence is susceptible to catching fire."

O...K....so technically we can light a fire by farting. No need to fire up the stove to cook leow, just fart as needed.

"Livestock are a significant contributing factor to the greenhouse effect, accounting for around 20% of global methane emissions".

So, Cows = More Farts. Techinically we cows can light an even bigger flame.

"Livestock in New Zealand account for 60% of the country's greenhouse gas emissions. Livestock in Australia contribute approximately 14% of that country's greenhouse gas emissions."

Lucky I'm Singaporean (cow) lor. Apparently there is a New Zealand Fart TAX??!!

Had enough farts yet? If not, check out the FART GAME

Poot. Err, Moo.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Okok... THAT was bizzare!!
I just spent the first thing in the morning making a rabbit fart onto rats whilst running through some barnyard scene!!!what a smelly way to start t he day...One actually starts to wonder WHY you would actually research farts...er.. a pastt time preoccupation or an intrinsic obsession...hmmm have YOU done your morning poo yet?...

Hey, you wanna try and light a fart?.. you provide the gas, i provide the lit match.. you aim your butt (mine bigger tho) and we burn the eyebrows off biz and holly!!

but i am sure slick has had his fair share of farrticus!! hee hee...

Hmm perhaps some research should be done on the QUALITY of farts depending on what one eats.. hmmm lotsa pork fats?... CHEESE!!...Baked beans...

Also there are different catagories of farts..
you have the following :
1. The lingering fart (like a dense cloud of noxcious gas, it hangs in one area..waiting for victim to walk THROUGH).
2. The tiny quiet fart (YOURS)..mini poot followed by a killer concentrated venom!
3. The ATOMIC fart!...which destroys the entire area.. most effective in lifts...and for clearing rooms and conventions.
4. The doggie fart... caused by one doggie with an innocent look, with another doggie in presence... so one has no idea which one was the culprit... or maybe the beanie in the bag knows too much..
5. The successive fart...If you follow w, you will notice small pungent smells which as you walk seem to dissipate, so that you don't know the source... but funny thing is that it seems to regenerate.. till you realise that you are going through a TRAIL of tiny farts deposited in succession and equidistance.

actually, i realise that your farts COULD be classified as a 'higher' intelligence!! they are EVIL, lurking and have a mind of their own!..much like their owner!!! PATTY!!

DownwardDog said...

Eh? Don't think you've been victim to me as I've been yours. Someday I'm just going to gas you real good. Bwahahahahahaha...

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