I turn 31 tomorrow. This is the first time I remember approaching a birthday without any excitement, but only full of fatigue and frustration. I don't mind the age, but time in the past few months has passed in such a flurry I barely have time to anticipate or look forward to my birthday. This year it just crept up on me - one day another friend reminded me that my birthday was due in a few days. It was then I realised how quickly time had passsed, or how much of it I had lost, because I was just working, and working and working. 13-14hr days are not abnormal for me anymore. If I'm not at school then I'm working, even my yoga is suffering. Days off are a dread, because I get back to work only to see the backlog. It's a vicious cycle.
Have I offended the gods? It must be, for nothing has gone quite well in the last 2 months. Well at least I still have friends for support. Must go temple and pray soon. Today I got the results of a recent examination, to find out that I had failed an assignment. I've only failed music exams, never academia. My heart feels burderned and sad. As I contemplate myself I realise that as I grow older I become so accustomed to the material pleasures of life I no longer am able to endure hardships. Challenges at work that throw me out of my comfort zone I meet with anger and resistance. Failing an assignment is a minor setback but yet I cannot but feel frustrated and tearful at the loss. I think of how YP is struggling to juggle work, home and family committments and how C struggle to cope with the demands of being a somewhat frustrated entreprenuer. We all have to pay bills, put food on the table and a roof over our heads. This is the reality of life. Who was it that said humankind must suffer hardship in this life before they can attain nirvana? Man, next life just let me be a pampered pooch please.
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birthday comming she says... dun have mood she says... She bloody declared it B'day weekend!!... which just ended with a huge black forest cake half an hour ago!! wah!! dun believe her sad story!!
Hey, you better get things into perspective... whats the big deal about failing an assignment, can you safely say you spent up to 4am everyday for 2 weeks on it.. can you say you thought about the design day in and day out and came up with some radical solutions to problems? And then have the client say that he gave the job to some other architect... THAT really sucks..anyway.. pat pat..thats life!!.. besides, when you mentioned all those long hours at work and then long hours studying..er.. you failed to mention the DAYS you din change your T-shirt and shorties... cuz you were busy ... BEING DRAMA COW!!!!!... you were watching lotsa dramas!!!... you SURE you fully concentrated on your assignments????!!!!.... hee hee... so failing ain't so bad after all issit?"!!! its worst to try damn ard, then fail...but if you were watching dramas.....er... its ok rite?!! see, made you feel better!!!
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